Soooo, I'm a late with this one but forgive me, I was little tied up. The fourth and final installation (for now) on the love and relationships theme from the month of loovvee!
I remember a time not too long ago where I considered dating a man who I had convinced myself actually hadn't been married because they hadn't gone beyond the roora process. At this point I knew deep down that the marriage was still valid and any sort of relationship with him would constitute adultery, but hey, the mans was smooth lol. I may laugh now but sadly there are many who unknowingly step into adulterous unions because somewhere along the line we latched onto the idea that marriage becomes legitimate only after we've gone through the civil or church procedures, i.e muchato! Where did we get this thing of looking down on our cultural practices so much that our traditional ceremonies are deemed inadequate as far as the legitimacy of our union is concerned? The simple answer - Christian missionaries.
"Whereas families used to be satisfied with the traditional marriage practices alone, with time western marriage became considered as the 'real' marriage. In this way, traditional marriage rites became viewed as inferior practices to Western marriage rites, with matrimonial symbols such as wedding rings and gowns being introduced in particular by Christian missionaries. In some African circles, customary marriage became associated with the semi-literate and non-literate Africans". (Chiwome 1994, cited in Madzivire 2019: 78)
The above excerpt is from my PhD thesis. And indeed I believe in some cases this is still true, many or us still place white weddings on a pedestal indeed as if it is only then that God recognises the union. Many a times I've heard the question "When does a marriage become legitimate in the eyes of God?". This question seems pretty straight forward to some people and yet there are also many others who have and still do wonder. And to answer the question, in our context as black Zimbabweans, it is legitimate the moment the families have witnessed the process bringing together the two together, accepted mukwasha and muroora wavo and the two have accepted each other as husband and wife. Essentially, different cultures have different ways of solemnizing marriage, and these are no less valid than the western white/church wedding.
If you look back at where the white wedding traditions came from you will find that these practices have Western roots. As the world progressed in many ways, the term Christianity became conflated with Western ideals. The two blended and became one big mass. I'm not saying there is anything wrong with a white wedding, or wanting your priest to bless your union after the traditional processes are said and done but what I am saying is we have got to acknowledge the intricacies of how a marriage is established. Many parents nowadays pull out the "mwana wedu haaende asina muchato" line and in the same breath refer to the groom to be as mukwasha and a lot of money has already been paid with a wedding meaning an even greater expense. (don't get me started on the ridiculously long guest lists)...
This is a call to churches, our parents, fellow singles and future parents to not let our way of life be dictated by others all in the name of its the "Christian" thing to do, yet this isn't necessarily true. If we want to have our traditional ceremony, a small celebration, blessing by our priest and court proceedings so be it, if we just want the cows then the court deal then we should go for it. We should not spend the rest of our lives being burdened by expectations from other cultures all in the name of "Christianity". Let's separate Western ideals and values around marriage from Christian ideals and values. The latter of which are addressed in the Bible.
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