Oh how I can relate to the image above. As I read one word after the next, the above mentioned quote made me reflect on how I've dealt with my emotions in the past, particularly those that trigger a sort of traumatic response. When we hear the word "trauma" or "traumatic" we often think of major life-threatening events such as accidents, serious physical injury, war, rape and so on but there are in fact different types of trauma. These life threatening events which I have just mentioned are refered to as Big T Traumas. They leave people feeling like they have little or no control and are the types of traumatic experiences often linked with PTSD. On the other end of the spectrum are Small t traumas, distressing experiences that go beyond our capacity to cope and cause a disruption in emotional functioning. Although these experiences are non-life threatening experiences that are common amongst many people, they still have the potential of leaving one feeling traumatised. For example, non-life threatening injuries, loss of significant relationships, financial difficulties, infidelity, job loss, bullying or harassment. While these incidents don’t necessarily threaten the physical safety of a person, they can result in discomfort, unhappiness and a sense of having lost control over one's life.
Despite the fact that emotional functioning can be disrupted, individuals dealing with Small t traumas often overlook and downplay their experiences because of their rationalisation of the experiences as something which is not out of the ordinary therefore any reactions which seem dramatic or over the top are those to be ashamed of. Barbash (2017) considers this a form of avoidance which can lead to more harm than good as the individual attempts to suppress and ignore their experiences. This ties in directly with the opening image, and and I for one can relate to this. I never used to like talking about my feelings, especially when I was hurt. Feelings = weakness. I thought of myself as silly, overly emotional, in some cases just outright irrational. My solution to this was simple, bottle it up and ignore it. It will eventually go away. Unfortunately that was not the case. Instead of being able to avoid them I'd have weeks where my days were turned upside down as I struggled to get a hold on my emotions. I refused to validate them and I also refused to let anyone into my pain. But as I've moved through many stages as far as the relationship with my emotions and my willingness to be vulnerable is concerned, I have learned to embrace my emotions and all the silliness I attach to them. Yes my reaction may be silly to others, and even to myself at times but I can't run away from those feelings.
This year I have learnt that Small t trauma is still trauma. It is not defined by the actual event but by the effect it has on the individual and their ability to cope. It must be acknowledged. We've got to understand this and give people room to share their trauma, to have it validated. I for one never used to do so. Because I had this hard exterior I also looked at events others considered traumatic as overreactions, I know better now. Rant if you need to, cry if you need to, wallow if you need to but don't stay there. Air it out!
I'm thankful for those who have over the years taken the time to listen to me vent, who have acknowledged my trauma and allowed me to go through the process of healing. I used to think being emotional was for the weak but I've learnt it takes a lot to be open, to be vulnerable and potentially place yourself in a position to "judgment" by those who just don't get it. There's something so freeing about not holding things back, saying things as they are and leaving room in your heart for you to breath.
Have you acknowledged your Small t traumas? Validate your experiences, accept then for that they are then deal with them, let go and give yourself room to breath and to heal.
Further reading:
FFElyssa Barbash Ph.D. 2017. " Different Types of Trauma: Small 't' versus Large ‘T’: An accumulation of smaller or less pronounced events can still be traumatic."
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